Crash Bandicoot: Merged Realms
by CheatMasta
Summary: What happens when Crash meets Spyro? Ya know now. Chapter 4 up
1. Chapter 1: The arrival

Crash Bandicoot : Merged Realms  
  
One morning in Australia, on N.Sanity island, Crash Bandicoot was having a jet-ski race with Crunch. Coco was sitting outside their hut, which was overlooking the sea, typing on her laptop for some unknown reason, and Aku Aku was sitting on the beach, spectating the jet ski race. Then everyone looked up in amazement as the sky turned grey and a portal appeared from nowhere, out of which dropped a purple ... Dragon! As the dragon got back on it's feet it looked around and saw Crash (who had just stopped the race with Crunch to see what had happened) and the gang.  
  
"Who are you?" the purple dragon asked, to which Crash replied,  
  
"I'm Crash Bandicoot, what about you?"  
  
"My name is Spyro the dragon" he replied  
  
"A dragon!" remarked Coco, "wow!"  
  
"Haven't you guys seen a dragon before?" Spyro asked  
  
"No,"said Crash, "this is Australia"  
  
"Australia!" shrieked Spyro "where is that?"  
  
"It's not in the dragon kingdom," replied Aku Aku "how did you get here?"  
  
"I was following a tyrant called Ripto who was causing havoc to my realm, and I followed him through this portal" explained Spyro "Whoa, a floating mask! Am I in adifferent dimension?"  
  
"I'm afraid you are, my friend" said Aku Aku, "This 'Ripto' must have travelled here too!"  
  
"What are you anyway?" asked Spyro "Some sort of dogs?"  
  
Then Crash, Crunch and Coco all shouted "We're Bandicoots!"  
  
"And I"said Aku Aku, "am the spirit of an ancient witch doctor named 'Aku Aku'. My friends here are Crash, Coco and Crunch Bandicoot"  
  
"Well I guess I should start to look for Ripto again" said Spyro, "I don't know what he could be getting up to"  
  
"wait, Spyro," said Crash, "There is an evil villain here called 'Dr. Neo Cortex' and he and his minions are always causing trouble. If he teams up with Ripto there's no telling what deeds they could do. We will come with you and help get rid of Ripto and save the world, again, from Cortex"  
  
"Alright, let's go guys, i'll tell you about my adventures on the way." said Spyro, and with that Spyro and Crash told their stories on their walk through N.Sanity jungle.  
  
Their adventure begins ....  
  
Spyro, Crash, Coco, Crunch and Aku Aku had been walking for three hours now.  
  
"Doesn't this forest ever stop?" asked Spyro  
  
"Yes, Spyro," said Crash, "We're nearly at the Great Gate."  
  
"Great Gate?" queried Spyro, as they leapt over another bottomless pit and dodged a rolling stone.  
  
"Neo Cortex built it." said Aku Aku, "if we want to continue, we'll have to climb it"  
  
Soon they arrived at the great gate, and Spyro saw how 'Great' it was  
  
"But how do we climb it?" asked Spyro  
  
"We use these Trampoline-in-a-box" replied Crash, and with that he bounced from one to another suspended in the air, then another and up to one of the many platforms. Aku Aku simply floated up and Coco and Crunch followed after.  
  
"Your turn, Spyro" said Crash  
  
Spyro gulped and bounced on the three boxes and landed on the platform.   
  
"I made it!" said Spyro  
  
"Well done, only a few more platforms to go" aid Crash, and the team began walking again  
  
Meanwhile, on Cortex island, Dr. Neo Cortex and his new accomplice Ripto have just completed a secret project with the help of Ripto's scepter.  
  
"Brilliant, Ripto." Rejoiced Cortex, "Your crystal has completed my top secret weapon. Now we can get rid of that infernal bandicoot!"  
  
"And that pesky dragon!" added Ripto  
  
"Of course," said Cortex, "I'm glad you found me now, N.Gin cold never get it right."  
  
"Never get it right, eh?" said N.Gin, who was watching on the surveilance cameras, "I'll show him, I'll build a device so powerful, that Cortex will wonder why he even bothered with that... thing!" and he began planning an invention.  
  
Meanwhile, our heroes were on the last platform of the Great Gate. Spyro saw the big spiky poles smashing onto the platform.  
  
"Wow, said Spyro, "that looks dangerous.  
  
"Duh!" said Coco  
  
"shut up, Coco" said Crash, "I remember you losing five lives just to get past the first turtle"  
  
Spyro smirked.  
  
"Look, let's just go shall we!?" Coco said quickly  
  
"You just need to time it properly" said Crash, and then he jumped over the gap when the pole was at the top, and then it slammed down when Crash ran out of the way. Coco, Aku Aku and Crunch followed.  
  
"Come on Spyro," said Crunch, "you try"  
  
"and watch out for the upturned turtle!" shouted Coco, but it was too late, Spyro had hit the turtle and landed on top of the pole.  
  
"Oww," moaned Spyro, "this spike is sticking up my.."  
  
"okay, we get your *point*" said Crash hurridely.  
  
"Now's not the time for jokes!" said Coco  
  
"I wasn't joking" said Crash  
  
"Coco you have a sick sense of humour!" said Spyro, "Ouch, can you *please* help me down?"  
  
So Crash sarted spinning at the pole. "Ouch he shrieked, I can't get you down without hurting myself" he said Aku Aku was getting bored so he shot lasers from his eyes, which hit the pole and knocked it onto the turtle, which dissapeared, which turtles tend to do.  
  
"Wow" said Crash, "good thinking, knocking the pole down so Spyro cold get off"  
  
"Huh?" said Aku Aku, "Oh, I wasn't aiming for the pole."  
  
"Thanks" said Spyro sarcastically  
  
"Stop being sarcastic" said Crash  
  
"I like being sarcastic" said Spyro sadly, still rubbing his behind. So, after resting for Spyro to... get better, they progressed along and they came to the warp pad.  
  
"Is this like a portal?" said Spyro  
  
"Yes," said Coco, "mostly"  
  
"How do you know what a portal looks like?" asked Spyro  
  
"I played your game 'Spyro: Year of the Dragon'" she replied  
  
"Did you like it?" asked Spyro  
  
"Mostly," Coco said "but I got stuck on the first level, I kept getting killed by those dinosaurs with the clubs. It is hard, you know"  
  
"Yeah right" chuckled Crash, and he coughed out "loser!"  
  
"Well how far have you ever got on it?" said Coco  
  
"I've... got far!" he said.  
  
"oh yeah?" said Coco  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
"oh yeah?"  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
"oh yeah?  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
"Oh.."  
  
"Look let's just get on with it shall we?!" said Aku Aku, who was now very aggrivated, and he floated into the portal."  
  
"What's up with him?" asked Spyro  
  
"It's his 'time of the month'" said Crash  
  
"I... see." said Spyro, "well let's just go through then shall we, I'm getting sick of this level and a turtle keeps running up to me, pinching my .. rear end, and running off before I can catch him"  
  
They all stared at him.  
  
"What?" asked Spyro  
  
They just shrugged and walked into the portal.  
  
"What?," said Spyro, "what's so wierd about getting your butt pinched by a turtle"  
  
..but everyone had already left.  
  
"Wait for me!" he shouted, "Oh, they're gone. Oh wait I'm talking to myself." "That's the first sign of insanity," "what's the second sign?" "answering back" "Oh, is it?"  
  
Spyro slapped himself an jumped into the portal. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Hey what's that line doing there" said Spyro before he dissapeared  
  
"Whatever" said the author, "Oh, I'm the author. I'm going insane. Oh wait I already am insane"  
  
"Whatever" I say again, and I end the chapter. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Next: Boulders* * a Boulder is a big rock  
  
Reader: "yes we know what boulders are!"  
  
Author: "Shut up, I'll tell you if I wanna End Chapter.  
  
End.  
  
END ALREADY!!! Yes sir 


	2. Chapter 2: Boulders

Chapter 2: Boulders  
  
Crash, Coco, Crunch, Spyro and Aku Aku arrived at the next level called Boulders "I love this shelter!" exclaimed Crash as he munched through his 100th Wumpa fruit, "Hey look, I got an extra life"  
  
"What happens now?" asked Spyro. Crash jumped to his feet  
  
"We have to leg it down this hill jumping over various pits and fences and swerving around big posts whilst at the same time being chased by huge rocks" Crash said in one breath.  
  
"You mean Boulders" corrected Spyro  
  
"Rocks, Boulders, same thing" said Crash, "Hey how come you know so much all of a sudden?"  
  
Spyro replied, "Well you've got nine freaking games out for gods sake, and I've completed every one of 'em."  
  
"So how come you didn't know what to do on the last level?" Crash asked  
  
"Um.. Well.. uh.. no reason." stuttered Spyro, "All right I confess, I'm forgetful!"  
  
"Well we could've told you that," joked Crash.  
  
Crash, Coco, Crunch and Sonic all laughed.  
  
"Well thanks alot" said Spyro sarcastically  
  
"I told you to stop being sarcastic," said Crash, "wait a minute, Sonic?"  
  
"What's Sonic doing here?" asked Spyro  
  
"I was following Robotnik and he made a portal came to here," said Sonic, "and he's joined up with Cortex and Ripto.  
  
"No surprise there," said Crash, "How do you know about Ripto and Cortex?"  
  
"Played your games" said Sonic  
  
"Where's Tails?" asked Coco  
  
"Oh, he got squashed by a boulder," said Sonic, "I don't really care, I'm actuallty glad. I hate the little scrawny wimp!"  
  
"Everybody hates him," said Crunch.  
  
"True" said Aku Aku  
  
"Well let's get on then, or they might blow up the world!" said Crash  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- On Cortex island....  
  
"I know!" said Cortex, "let's blow up the world!"  
  
"Fine with me" said Robotnik  
  
"Yep, I'm okay with that" said Ripto  
  
So they began deviously devising a devious plan.  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Back to our heroes....  
  
"Who would put obstacles in the way?" asked Spyro  
  
"An idiot," replied Crash, " like Coco."  
  
"Hey" shouted Coco  
  
"Okay," said Aku Aku, "on the count of three .. 1...2...Bananas!"  
  
They all stared at the witch doctor.  
  
"What sometimes *I* have to have fun too" he said  
  
"Shut up Aku Aku, or I'll use you as firewood" thereatened Crash, "this time I'll say go"  
  
"Ready," he said, "3...2...1..."  
  
"Hold on!" said a blue wolf, "I wasn't ready"  
  
"Nazza!?" said Coco, "What are you doing here. Shouldn't you be writing your fanfics?"  
  
"Oh, Yeah, I'll go now" he said, and with that, he sprouted wings, and flew away.  
  
"Right now, as I was saying," continued Crash, " 3..2..1.."  
  
"Uh, Crash" said Coco  
  
"What now!" said Crash, who was getting very angry. Then he got knocked down a hole by a venus fly trap plant thing.  
  
"Tried to warn him." said Coco  
  
Then Crash climbed climbed back out of the hole and chopped the plant up.  
  
"Right, now," began Crash, and he dusted himself off, "1..2..3!!!"  
  
Finally, the team raced down the hill and jumped over the first hole. Coco was getting behind, so Sonic fell back and drop kicked her to the next shelter. Crash and Spyro saw her fly over them.  
  
"Haha," laughed Crash, "Coco can fly"  
  
Soon, after jumping all the holes and tripping and rolling over fences, the team reached Coco, who was unconcious with a box on her head.  
  
"Wow Sonic," said Crunch, "You shut her up... for once."  
  
"That box is a wumpa fruit box," said Spyro, "She'll be covered with the stuff"  
  
Crash took the box off Coco's head, and it was hideous.  
  
"It's hideous!" said Sonic  
  
"Of course it's hideous," said Crash, "It's Coco"  
  
"I heard that!" said Coco  
  
"Oh great," said Crash "I needed ONE more fruit and you have to splat them all. There's no more around."  
  
"Well lets just get to the next shelter" said Aku Aku, "I'm getting SICK of your company!"  
  
"Is it still his 'time of the month'" asked Spyro so only Crash could hear.  
  
"Time of the month!" Aku Aku boomed, "What are you talking about?"  
  
"Hey," said Spyro, "how could you hear me. I was talking so only Crash could hear, as I shall now quote from earlier from earlier in the story:  
  
QUOTE:::  
  
"Is it still his 'time of the month'" asked Spyro so only Crash could hear.  
  
END QUOTE:::  
  
"I hear all" said Aku Aku  
  
EERIE MUSIC....  
  
"Sorry," said Spyro, "forgot to turn my radio off" and with that he turned his radio off.  
  
"Who the hell keeps writing little bits of information after our speech and about what we do?" queried Coco  
  
Author: Because people wouldn't understand what I was writing about if I didn't.  
  
"It's god!" said Sonic  
  
Author: no, dimwit, I am the author  
  
"Mr. Author," began Spyro, "may I call you mr.author?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Well, anyway" continued Spyro, I'd just like to say something, no one understands you anyway!"  
  
Author: Shut up! Now get on with the story, I ain't paying you for nothing.  
  
"Um, you aren't paying us anyway" said Crash  
  
Author: I don't care, just get on with the story. The reader is getting impatient.  
  
Back to the story...  
  
"Are you ready to leg it again" said Crash  
  
"As ready as I'll ever be" said Spyro  
  
"Okay then," Crash began, "3..2..1..GO!"  
  
Sonic grabbed Coco because he knew she'd be as slow as .. a slow thing, and sped off down the hill jumping over the pits of death and jumping over the stupid fences, and swerving round the big.. stick things and jumping on the big moving pillars until they reached the last shelter when Sonic threw Coco, who was still dazed, into the only box of wumpa fruit.  
  
"Not again," sighed Crash, "Come on I want another life! help me out here."  
  
"What do you mean *another* life, you didn't have one in the first place." Coco smirked  
  
Everyone stared at Coco.  
  
"How come," said Coco, "you always laugh at Crash's jokes, or jokes about me, but never when I tell a joke?"  
  
"Because your crap!" said Aku Aku  
  
"Actually," said Spyro, "I kinda like Aku Aku when he's angry."  
  
"You shut up" said the witch doctor, "you're just a gay freak!"  
  
"Okay I hate him again," said Spyro, "kill him"  
  
Crash pulled out his wumpa fruit bazooka.  
  
"Please," cried Aku Aku, "I can change!"  
  
"Yeah like that'll ever happen," remarked Crash,  
  
"So what, just don't kill me anyway." the wise (cough) mask said.  
  
Crash shrugged, "Okay", and put away his bazooka.  
  
"and mr.author," said Aku Aku, "I am wise, coughing to make me sound crap. How lame!"  
  
Author: Shut up. never refer to me again.  
  
"Crash", said Spyro, "If you wanted wumpa fruit why didn't you just eat the one out of the bazooka?"  
  
"Oh yeah" said Crash, and he munched a wumpa fruit, and everyone saw the Crash face symbol rise to the top where all the stats are"  
  
Spyro flamed the stats and they melted away. Just then, tons of wumpa fruit fell from the sky. "Oh no," Crash fainted.  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- on Cortex island...  
  
"No, Ripto!," said Cortex, "that is the 'shower the world in wumpa fruit' button."  
  
"Oh," said Ripto, "well where's the 'destroy the world button'?"  
  
"I haven't invented it yet." said Cortex  
  
"Well let's invent it then," said Robotnik, "I don't get payed for nothing. Yes I know I don't get paid but it's a figure of speech"  
  
"World destruct button,eh" said N.Gin, watching from the surveilance cameras, "I'll invent that, and then Cortex will have to take me back, because I'll blow up the world with him on it!" and he began work.  
  
Author: Reader, notice that N.Gin is going insane. This is partly because he has started talking to himself, but partly because Cortex doesn't sleep with him anymore... I mean.. whoa, is that the time, I better go!  
  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
When Crash had been revivied, our team of heroes ran from the next boulder. I won't go into detail because you pretty much know what happens. They jump, they swerve, yada yada yada.. blah blah blah ... and end up at the warp pad. Crah was still moaning about the wumpa fruit when Spyro came back from the warp pad (as everyone had just jumped in) and yanked Crash into the warp pad and onto the next level, Upstream.  
  
Next: Upstream  
  
You aren't gonna end the fic like last time are you?  
  
No  
  
Well stop then  
  
Stop  
  
STOP!!! Doest thou like it so far? R+R please 


	3. Chapter 3: Upstream

Chapter 3: Upstream  
  
Our team of intrepid (cough) adventurers had arrived at the next level called Upstream.  
  
"There he goes again," said Crash, "with that coughing thing"  
  
"So," said Spyro, "What is this level like?" Spyro looked around. They were standing on a log surrounded by water, with an Aku Aku mask at the end. Crash collected it.  
  
"This level is not that hard," said Crash, "We have to walk along the path of giant lily pads until we get to another log or a pillar in the water"  
  
A fish jumped up and bit Spyro's butt.  
  
"Ouch!" he said, "That was just getting better"  
  
"Oh yeah," said Coco, "watch out for the stupid fish"  
  
A fish jumped up and bit Coco  
  
"Oww, they're really moody" she said  
  
"Let's just go shall we," said Crash, "Or we'll be here forever"  
  
"So" said Spyro  
  
"Well we have to catch the bad guys don't we?" Crash said  
  
"Oh, yeah, sure" they all said, with not much enthusiasm  
  
"Wow," remarked Crash, pointing to the previous line, "That's a big word"  
  
Author: Well, thanks, I spelled it myself  
  
"I didn't mean it was good," Crash explained, "I just said it was big. Anyone can spell it though"  
  
Author: Whatever. Get on with your adventure.  
  
Crash hopped onto the first lily pad, and to the second.  
  
"Follow me guys," he said  
  
"Uh Crash, shouldn't you move?" asked Coco  
  
SPLASH!  
  
"Too late"  
  
Crash crawled out again, "I forgot they sank after a while" he said, and he span to get himself dry. "Good as new" he said  
  
SPLASH!  
  
"He forgot to move again" said Spyro  
  
Crash got up and quickly span dry, and started to run along. Everone followed.  
  
"There is a waterfall we have to walk up soon" said Crunch  
  
"Yeah right," said Sonic, "There'll just happen to be a waterfall up ahead with a slippery path in the middle to climb up it"  
  
And sure enough, up ahead was a waterfall, with a slippery path to climb up it.  
  
"Wow," exclaimed Sonic, "that just took away my pride"  
  
"You know pride is a sin" said Crash, his mouth full of Wumpa fruit  
  
"So is gluttony," laughed Spyro, just before they all realised they were still on the lily pads.  
  
SPLASH!  
  
After they all climbed out onto the slippery path, Crash ran up the path, slipped over, and knocked everyone back into the water.  
  
"If we keep falling in any longer," said Aku Aku, "ten years will have past and I'll be really old"  
  
"You're already old" said Crash as he ran up the path and slipped back down again. This time everybody dodged except Aku Aku who got hit in with Crash.   
  
Soon everybody had stopped falling in the water and had finally got somewhere (Hallelujah) and were progressing along the lily pad path without falling in at all (Well done!).  
  
Soon Crash + co. came to a fallen pillar in the water.  
  
"Stupid author," he said, "Just because he is to lazy to actually go on this adventure, and all he has to do is write"  
  
Author: Listen, you. If I weren't writing you wouldn't even be on this adventure, all you'd be doing is sitting at home drinking your wumpa fruit juice, sitting outside your hut and doing nothing.  
  
"I fail to see what is so bad about that." said Crash. Everyone agreed.  
  
Author: Shut up. The almighty CheatMasta ownz you!  
  
"Actually, Naughty Dog ownz us!" Crash said Matter-of-factly  
  
"So your name is CheatMaster?" asked Coco  
  
CheatMasta(Author):No, my name is CheatMasta, with an A at the end.  
  
"Same thing" said Coco  
  
CheatMasta: No it isn't, now hurry up and do what your'e supposed to do!  
  
"Oh yeah," said Crash, "what if we don't wanna continue on this quest?"  
  
CheatMasta (Me) sets Crash's hair on fire. Crash screams and dips his head into the water.  
  
"Well I still ain't going" said Aku Aku stubbornly  
  
"Me neither" said Crunch  
  
"Copy cat" Aku Aku said  
  
"Stupid piece of firewood" said Crunch  
  
"Bring it on!" threatened Aku Aku  
  
"I will" said Crunch  
  
CheatMasta: Oh just shut up will you!  
  
CheatMasta creates a portal and sucks down Crunch and Aku Aku.  
  
"If you hate us too," queried Crash, "why didn't you just suck us down?"  
  
CheatMasta: Because my story would suck without any characters  
  
"Dude, your story sucks anyway" said Crash  
  
CheatMasta: If you weren't my main character!!  
  
"Where'd they go?" asked Coco  
  
CheatMasta: To HELL!  
  
In Hell ---------------------------  
  
We see Crunch and Aku Aku surrounded by beautiful she-bandicoots and err.. she-masks  
  
In even worse hell. I mean in the adventure ----------  
  
CheatMasta: Thank god they're gone anyway, I got sick of typing Aku Aku, and Crunch didn't do anything, he just tagged along  
  
"Well, let's go" said Crash, "We've been on this pillar for ages now"  
  
So our new, smaller, band of merry men... I mean band of heroes (cough) set on their way towards the next waterfall and after that, to the warp pad.  
  
"There he goes," said Crash, "coughing again"  
  
CheatMasta: I have asthma!  
  
"Oh, sorry"  
  
Our new gang got to the part with the moving lily pad.  
  
"What do we do here" asked Spyro  
  
"We jump on the moving lily pad, then on the next one until we come to a rock," explained Crash, "quickly before we sink!"  
  
SPLASH!  
  
Too late!  
  
Spyro + friends swam back to the surface and grabbed the moving lily pad. They climbed up on the lily pad and jumped over to the next pad, and then to the rock. Crash broke a box and collected the life. The life floated to the stats.  
  
"I thought I flamed those stats" said Spyro, flaming them again. Thy melted away.  
  
"Let's go up the second waterfall" said Crash  
  
So they did.  
  
Spyro and Sonic saw the jumping fish at the top of the waterfall.  
  
"How do we get past the stupid fish?" asked Sonic  
  
Sonic was pinched by a fish. "Ouch!"  
  
Crash explained, "I have to jump in the air and spin at the same time to knock it out"  
  
"I have a better idea" said Spyro  
  
He flamed the fish, it burnt up and crumbled to dust.  
  
"How come you never thought of that earlier" asked Crash, "like when I was knocked down that pit by that stupid plant!"  
  
A fish bit him.  
  
"I said plant!"  
  
The fish bit him again. Spyro flamed it.  
  
"Aaah" Sonic, "flamed fish" He started drooling.  
  
"Well" continued Crash  
  
"Well what?" asked Spyro, confused  
  
Crash sighed, "Look at my question seven lines ago"  
  
"Oh," said Spyro, "Dunno, sometimes I can't think of things until afterwards, and about the plant thing, I wanted to see you fall down the pit"  
  
"Thanks," said Crash, "I love you too!"  
  
"You do?," said Spyro,"thanks" Spyro reached out for a hug. Crash pushed him away.  
  
"It was a figure of speech" he said  
  
Just then, Sonic choked on his own drool.  
  
"Let's get to the warp pad now" said Crash  
  
So they did.  
  
Sonic + aquaintances reached the end warp pad.  
  
"I can't wait!" said Coco  
  
"What for?" asked Sonic  
  
"Next time it will be 'Coco + pals' or something like that"  
  
Sonic shrugged and leapt into the portal after Crash and Spyro. Coco was about to jump in when...  
  
CheatMasta: Coco, don't get your hopes up. Next time it will be 'Crash + (whatever)'.  
  
"Why don't I get to be affiliated with anybody?" asked Coco  
  
CheatMasta: Because your'e still crap!  
  
"Hey" shouted Coco  
  
CheatMasta shoots a bolt of lightning at Coco, sending her flying into the portal.  
  
------------------------------------ Next: Papu Papu  
  
Now end  
  
Right now  
  
STOP! R+R please 


	4. Chapter 4: Papu Papu

Did you like Sonic choking on his drool last chapter? You'll like this chapter when Crash chokes on a wumpa fruit then.  
  
Chapter 4: Papu Papu   
  
Crash, Coco, Spyro and Sonic had reached the first boss level, Papu Papu  
  
"What is this levl called?" asked Spyro  
  
CheatMasta: Duh, I just told you!  
  
"It is called Papu Papu" said Crash  
  
"Pupu Pupu!?" exclaimed Sonic  
  
"No, Papu Papu" Coco corrected  
  
"Oh, I thought you ment the big fat one with the stick" said Spyro  
  
"Yep, that's the one." said Crash  
  
"I could never get past that level." said Sonic  
  
"Come on, Sonic" said Coco, "that level's easy. You'd have to be a loser to not be able to do that"  
  
"Shut up," said Crash, "Who got stuck on the FIRST level, on the FIRST crab!?"  
  
"Never mind," said Coco, "Let's just go into his hut"  
  
The four had been hiding in some bushes outside Papu's hut. They entered his hut, to find a sleeping Papu Papu.  
  
Suddenly he awoke. "Burrgh!" he blurted  
  
"What" said Spyro, "I didn't quite catch that"  
  
"purple dragon get crushed!" said Papu, and he swung his stick.  
  
"He means he's gonna crush you" said Crash as he pushed Spyro away, only to get crushed himself.  
  
A squashed Crash walked away. Coco could see his mouth, and threw 100 wumpa fruit in for him to recover. Boy, did they have to wait!  
  
"Urrgg" said Papu, "Get on with Papu Crush!" He hit his stick on Spyro's head.  
  
"Ouch!" said Spyro,"Come on that's lame. Using a stick. Get with the times man"  
  
Papu grumbled, "Okay"  
  
He pulled out a machine gun  
  
"Holy crap" blurted Sonic  
  
"Hehe" laughed Papu,"Papu Papu borrow big gun from Pinstripe"  
  
Papu Papu began to fire, but was aiming the wrong way, and hit himself in the stomach.  
  
"Ouch," said Papu, He pulled out the bullet.  
  
Papu began to fire the machine gun (The right way this time!), and a hail of bullets headed towards the team. Sonic held out his hand and said, "No", but the bullets disagreed, and knocked Sonic into the nearby wall.  
  
Spyro flamed at Papu, and the gun began to melt. It turned into a black goo, which crawled across the floor, but spyro flamed it again, and it disintegrated.  
  
Papu Papu sneered, "Look what else Papu Papu borrowed" he pulled out a bazooka.  
  
Crash pulled out his bazooka, aimed, and then pulled out a wumpa fruit and began eating it.  
  
"Papu Papu's bazooka fire coconuts" said Papu  
  
"Crash's bazooka fire wumpa fruit" said Crash  
  
"Ohh, I'm shaking in my little sandals." said Papu  
  
Papu quivered on purpose. His belly wobbled all around  
  
Crash choked on the wumpa fruit.  
  
"My eyes" cried Sonic, "These goggles, they do nothing"  
  
"Uh Sonic," said Spyro, "You aren't wearing goggles."  
  
"So," said Sonic, "I heard it on the Simpsons"  
  
"Oh yeah," said Spyro, "The one where Milhouse becomes Fallout boy."  
  
"Now's no time to talk about the Simpsons," said Crash before getting hit with a coconut.  
  
"I wonder what's going on in Papu Papu's sick, twisted brain." said Coco  
  
In Papu Papu's sick, twisted brain-------------------  
  
pie + bandicoots + dragon + hedgehog = Character surprise!  
  
------------------------------------------------------  
  
Papu licked his lips. "Papu Papu like food, that's why Papu Papu so huge like a barrel."  
  
Papu shot his bazooka at Crash, but Crash ducked and the coconut bounced off the wall, and got lodged in Papu's big stomach.  
  
"Ohh," groaned Papu, "Stupid bandicoot make Papu Papu shoot Papu Papu!"  
  
Spyro flamed a cannon that just happpened to be lying around, and it shot a canon ball into Papu's belly.  
  
"Oww" he moaned, "Now two things in Papu Papu. I mean three!"  
  
"Three?" queried Coco  
  
Papu Papu farted.   
  
"Aaaggh!" shrieked Sonic,"He's got us now! With his secret weapon!"  
  
"Now two things in Papu Papu" said Papu. Suddenly a bowling ball from the bowling alley across the street rolled in and bounced into Papu's belly.  
  
"Papu Papu get angry. Shoot you with belly he will!"  
  
"Oh no" cried Sonic, "He's gonna belly bounce us"  
  
Papu shot the three balls from his stomach into the team, but they all dodged and the balls hit a passer by, who fell down a plot hole.  
  
Papu Papu grabbed his big stick and swung it around the room. When he stopped he said.  
  
"Ohh, Papu Papu dizzy. Me want dinner! Me hungry!"  
  
"YOU hungry," said Crash, "That's a miracle."  
  
Papu just growled and hit his stick on the ground. Crash grabbed the stick.   
  
"Hey!" shouted Papu  
  
Crash produced a nail file, which gleamed in the sun, and began filing the end of the stick so fast that it nearly set on fire, but soon, Crash had a stick with a real pointy end.  
  
Do you know what's coming yet?  
  
Suddenly, Crash did the unthinkable. Everyone cringed as Crash shoved the pointy end up..  
  
Papu Papu's great big crack!  
  
Just kidding.  
  
Crash shoved the end up..  
  
Papu Papu's great big crack!  
  
Papu felt it. Oh yeah, he felt it alright.  
  
Spyro, Sonic and Coco tried to imagine something good  
  
Coco's imagination-----  
  
Coco winning the jet ski race.  
  
"Yes!" cried Coco, "I am the best"  
  
Sonic's imagination-----  
  
Himself sitting on a beach, surrounded by gorgeous she-hedgehogs, being waited on hand and foot by Robotnik, and watching hours and hours of Tails getting tortured on a floating T.V.  
  
"Wow," said Sonic, "Imagination is so real, even though it's not"  
  
Spyro's imagination-----  
  
Gusty winds blowing in the desert. A tumbleweed rolls by. A cow rolls by.  
  
"Damn," said Spyro, "I forgot I don't have an imagination"  
  
They looked around. Crash was pulling out the stick. It was coated in brown stuff.  
  
"Eww" said Crash as he dropped the stick.  
  
Papu Papu, his mouth still wide open, fell forward and made a huge hole in the wooden floor.  
  
He revealed the basement in which they heard:  
  
"Help, whoever you are!" said the voice  
  
They jumped down, but bounced back up.  
  
"Why are we back up?" asked Coco  
  
"We landed on Papu Papu" said Crash. This time they used the stairs.  
  
When they got to the basement, they saw the figure of ... pacman!  
  
Just kidding....  
  
They found... pacman!  
  
"He is not coming on the quest" said Crash  
  
"No way," said Spyro, "he takes pills"  
  
"Oh yeah," said Coco, "I've played his games"  
  
"Please just let me out!" pleaded Pacman  
  
Crash pulled out his bazooka.  
  
SPLAT!  
  
Pacman's body dissapeared, as pacmen bodies tend to do.  
  
"This chapter has gone on long enough" said Crash  
  
So they walked outside Papu's hut, all innocent-like, and went to the warp pad.  
  
"Well," said Sonic, "That ends another stupid level on a stupid adventure.  
  
CheatMasta: Just get on with the next boring - I mean entertaining level  
  
They leapt into the warp pad.  
  
-------------------------  
  
Cortex island:  
  
"Robotnik" said Cortex, "wrong button, that's the 'make-all-warp-pads-teleport-to-Ape-Escape' button.  
  
"what does that do?" asked Ripto  
  
"It transports anyone who steps on the warp pad (at the time I press the button), to the game Ape Escape"  
  
"Duh!" said Robotnik  
  
"Oh," said Ripto, "the one where you have to run around capturing monkeys in big nets. That's a good game"  
  
"Which button did you want to press?" asked Ripto  
  
"Oh," said Robotnik, "The one that puts an umbrella in my drink!" ------------------------------  
  
Next: Ape Escape level  
  
Stop now  
  
Stop  
  
STOP! 


End file.
